A Fine Fella

What was his name? He was a fine fella, that bartender guy, I'm telling you. Or still is, depending on how you look at things.

One time, I came here after three shifts in a row, tired like a dog. Ordered a pint and six shots. There was almost no one around at the time, just that same stinky fella with the messed-up beard, half-asleep in the corner, those two men playing pool without a word, maybe someone else. I don’t remember much, to be honest.

What I do remember, though, is that he poured everything, poured himself one too, looked me in the eye and said, "None of it matters."

"What does?" I asked.

"None of it," he replied.

I emptied the first shot and had a sip of beer, waiting for an explanation.

"Do you like to sleep?" he asked.

"Who doesn’t?" I said. "I don’t sleep much. I wouldn't know if it's of much use for me these days. It probably isn't.”

"You see, I love to sleep," he said. Then he looked away, looked around, and turned his eyes back to me. “The absence of self." He smiled. "No amount of booze, meditation or religion can give you that."

I didn't know what to say to that, so I emptied the remaining shots. I don't remember what happened next, other than that I woke up in bed, fully dressed except for one boot, which was in the hallway.

For a few weeks afterwards, I couldn't sleep. Everything was mixed up in my body and head, you know.

Next time I came here, he wasn't around. They say he fell asleep on the floor that same night, wearing the same smile he had when he was talking to me, and never woke up.

At first, they took him to the hospital. They thought he was in a coma or something. But then they released him because there was no substantial medical evidence he’d ever been in a coma, or sick, or whatever. No next of kin. So the church nearby took him in.

He sleeps there like a dead man, although he's not technically dead. They put him in an open casket. Where else would you put a man who needs no medical care, never gets up to use the toilet, and does nothing but breathe, sleep and smile?

I went there to see him and I don't quite know what to make of it.

Will is the name.